alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
