Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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