do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
