What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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