Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry about my life...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
