1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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