We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
one two three fourrrrnication!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
