the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
