you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
