I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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