I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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