I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
