i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
