big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize