my sisters under your porch take her home
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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