im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
