He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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