she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
