I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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