everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Randomize
