If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
