Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize