i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
