dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
