youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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