youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My dick has a subreddit
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
