Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
