i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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