My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
