there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
