I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
