I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
