And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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