She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
