Fine. I'll sleep in my office
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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