i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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