You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
