that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
