I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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