Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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