Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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