why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We are all done wearing pants today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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