i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So vagazzling was a success
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
