I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
