There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
