The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
