I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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