I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
