She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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