I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
