Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
