i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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