that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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