So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Randomize
