Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize