Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
