what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Text me some of your sweat
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