I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
