rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
