he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
