Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
