I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
