got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
